V-Day

by Gordo Byrn

After reading Dr. Bob’s account of his vasectomy, I was a little nervous heading into my own. I figured if a Vice-Chairman at the Mayo Clinic had an experience that involved grapefruit-sized equipment, I was going to be out of action for quite some time!

This week I’ll share my experience of my vasectomy -- I’m going to be direct so consider yourself warned...

In my marriage, we are fortunate in many ways. One of these ways is the ease in which my wife becomes pregnant. The gap between my son and youngest daughter is 15 months -- not Irish twins, but pretty close. With three kids in the house, I decided to exercise my reproductive freedom and booked in to see Dr. John Kefer at Alpine Urology.

My previous experience with a urologist was a few years back. I was investigating the cause of blood in my urine. Fortunately, we narrowed the cause down to a need for a saddle with a cut-away. With that trip through the medical system, I was given an MRI, then a “massage,” then had my plumbing reviewed via camera. FYI, when a urologist offers to give you a massage it is a little different than what you might expect at the end of a race! The camera scope wasn’t too bad as it was associated with a happy ending... that I had scar tissue in my urethra, rather than cancer in my bladder.

The vasectomy is a two-visit procedure. Visit one consists of a briefing, with Q&A, and ends with your tackle being gently fondled to check your tubes. I found out that Dr. John had previously focused on vasectomy reversals. This gave me comfort because I had figured a reversal was far more complicated than what I had in store for myself.

For the day of the procedure, Dr John offered me a script for valium. I waved that off as I wanted to be able to drive myself to/from his office. I took an antibiotic and followed his instructions to use “copious” amounts of a cream on my shaved privates. The cream seemed to numb things up and my background in triathlon made the shaving a non-issue.

On the day, I think he was running a little behind schedule as I spent 45 minutes on the exam table. Typically, that wouldn’t be a big deal as I’d grab a nap. However, this time I had my feet in stirrups and a heat pack on my crotch to loosen things up down there. The heat pack had me in a whole-body sweat and I got the giggles when I remembered a previous experience with a stool sample that went “wrong.” You’ll need to ask me in private for that story, which demonstrates my complete lack of knowledge with regard to basic medical procedures.

Anyhow, I’m lying down with my crotch in the air, sweating, with tears (of laughter) running down my face... and I realized that I looked like I was tripping, rather than laughing. I calmed myself down before Dr. John arrived.

The procedure was a non-event. I think it took 20 to 30 minutes. That is a little longer than I heard from other folks but Dr. John likes to work around the nerve sheath that surrounds the vas. I passed the time working on my breathing and being very, very still with my eyes closed.

When I opened my eyes, I noticed that Dr. John was being assisted by a beautiful physician assistant (“Fancy meeting you here...”). After he wrapped up, I was told to come back in a month and bring him a sample. He gave me a target of 30 ejaculations in 30 days, which gave 30:30 a whole new meaning for me. His assistant gave me the sample cups and we all had a chuckle as I headed out the door.

Recovery went smoothly -- there was no experience with swelling to the size of large citrus fruits that Dr. Bob mentioned. Here’s how it rolled:

Speedo - Worn 24/7 for a week. The Speedo makes it easy to drop an ice pack in there, which I did twice, for 15 minutes, the evening of the procedure.
First night - I had planned to go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep. However, my wife and son had a fever and the entire house melted down at 2:30 in the morning. So I was carting kids up and down stairs. Lifting my daughter (40 pounds) made me feel nauseous but I got through it.
Day One post-op - Dull ache like the moment just after you were kicked in the crotch for the first time in elementary school -- went for a slow walk and commented to my wife that people would have to be insane to train after a vasectomy.
Week One post-op -Doc said “just walking,” so walking was all I did. Felt good by day three and did a family trip for three days, rather than push my luck by training.
Week Two post-op -Back to light training, my stitch fell out on Day 10 and I rode my mountain bike on Day 11. I’m writing this on Day 13 and feel totally normal.

I was darn nervous for my first post-op ejaculation (wait 72 hours, they say) but that went normally -- given how concerned I was, I suspect that many guys have a similar worry.

One thing I “got right” was recovering before the procedure. Being fully rested may have helped speed recovery and reduce swelling. In terms of season placement, I had the vas four weeks after my A-race.

I haven’t gone back for my sample evaluation as I am behind schedule on the 30:30 benchmark. A bit of Internet research showed that I might be able to get away with a lower target to clear out the last of my inventory.

Hope this helps.

Gordo is the founder of Endurance Corner. You can find his personal blog here.