The Honeymoon is Over

by Gordo Byrn

“The trouble with many marriages is people forget to stay in touch with their honeymoon.”

M dropped that quote on me during our trip to Bora Bora and, to be honest, I scoffed at it. However, she’s right and her observation contains insight into long-term performance.

I’ve spent my entire adult life learning how to use words to persuade people to do stuff (invest, read, train, race, like me...). I’m better at it than average and need to be careful that I don’t fool myself.

Values are what I do, not what I say.
Biases are what I think, not what I say.

Back to M’s observation...

Despite the fact that I scoffed at M, when I thought about it, I realized that, in our marrriage, we have done exactly what she said. We make time to disconnect, reconnect, share experiences and go cool places -- I think that’s a big part of what makes a honeymoon special.

So while my first reaction was to reject her idea -- when I actually look at what I do, I’ve done a better job than I realized. Note that it doesn’t always work this way for me. Typically, I catch myself with a disconnect between my stated goals and my actions.

With the goals in your life: work, family, marriage, sport... do you remember your honeymoon?

In triathlon, I have fond memories of my first Kona qualification, my first top 10, my first podium and my first race victories. These “firsts” have a big impact on fun and fun is an essential part of sustainable motivation.

While anger and fear are powerful motivators, I’ve never been able to sustain them for long periods of time. As well, stoking those qualities in myself isn’t how I want to live.

What are the traits of a honeymoon?

Firsts
Fun
A willingness to learn
Shared experiences
Putting a goal ahead of my self
Manners (nothing quite like the attentive nature of a new husband from the midwest or an Italian at any time -- we love watching the Italians)
A willingness to listen

That’s my list -- consider your goals and what you remember from your honeymoon period.

With anything that’s truly important to you, keep in touch with your honeymoon!